New parents are often told, “Children are like pancakes. You always mess up the first one.” Really? I spend a lot of time with my children, and I’ve never thought, “This is just like making a pancake.” Based on this Pancake Logic, a second or third child would be an improvement, right? Not if you listen to birth order conspiracies – I mean theories. According to those, the middle child has “issues” because they don’t receive enough attention. That’s concerning but also confusing. Wasn’t that middle child also once the supposedly spoiled, attention-soaked youngest child? Wouldn’t the middle child be the second non-messed-up pancake-child?

Like most parents, I would never ignore one of my children. Unless they were asking for a screen. Or money. Or if I was watching football. Well, despite all this birth order nonsense – I mean theory – I believe I give my middle child as much if not more attention than my other kids. She somehow even earned the right to be my phone’s wallpaper image – much to the dismay of the other pancakes. The middle child is often a mystery; but then again, so is most of parenting… which is probably why Jesus invented bourbon.

– JAMES CHRISTOPHER GAFFIGAN

Each bottle of Fathertime’s The Middle Child Mystery has been personally hand-signed.

FATHERTIME PRECIOUS BATCH KENTUCKY STRAIGHT BOURBON WHISKEY

The Middle Child Mystery

This precious batch bourbon is named Fathertime, not after that bearded fella who is the personification of time, nor the special moments a man spends with his children but for the occasional brief period of peace and reflection every hard-working father earns.

Each bottle of this Fathertime Firstborn Edition has been personally hand-signed

This precious batch of bourbon is named Fathertime, not after that bearded fella who is the personification of time, nor the special moments a man spends with his children but for the occasional brief period of peace and reflection every hard-working father earns. It is my belief that the mother is often the hero of the story. When someone becomes famous, they buy their mom a house. The father is lucky if he gets an invitation for lunch. This bourbon is presented as a tribute or a salve to the unheralded paternal sacrifice of the men who show up and try their best. Fatherhood is the most important job men with children will ever fail at.

On the front of this bottle, you will find my grandfather Joseph Patrick Gaffigan, a man I never met but whose sacrifice changed my life. Joseph taught himself to make and sell dentures, breaking a cycle of Gaffigan men working in coal mines that had existed since my family arrived in America in the mid-1800s. Joseph is the father of my father Michael Ambrose Gaffigan (above). Michael was the first In our family to go to college and he pulled our family into the middle class. I Imagine Michael was a complicated son to Joseph, just as I was a complicated son to Michael. Having been a father for 20 years to five children I’ve experienced my own series of complications. I’ve learned so much and will continue to learn. The only thing I know for certain Is that a father’s joy is earned. Below-right is a photo of me and how a man looks after a couple decades of being the father to five children. I’m eternally grateful to my wife and hero Jeannie.

Jeannie Louise Noth Gaffigan is the mother of five children, a dog she didn’t want, and a cat she is deathly allergic to. She gave birth to each of her children at home with no drugs while her husband nervously watched. She survived a brain tumor, homeschooling during a pandemic, and over twenty years of marriage to a constantly traveling comedian who sometimes impulsively buys homes his wife may not want. Jeannie always put her children and family first.

Because of this selfless generosity, Jeannie has been proclaimed Mother of the Century. This very precious batch of bourbon is a small gesture to express my gratitude.

– Jim Gaffigan

All women are amazing. A woman can grow a baby inside their body! Then somehow a woman can deliver that baby through their body. And then by some miracle a woman can feed that baby with their body. When you think of the male contribution to life, it’s kind of embarrassing really. The guy is always like, “Well, I helped too! For like 5 seconds! Doing the thing I think about 24 hours a day.”

Dedicated to Jeannie Louise Noth Gaffigan

Bourbon raised with love and discipline in heavy oak barrels undisturbed by children or the stress of parenting

The same principles that inspired the Firstborn Edition of Fathertime have also guided the creation of our new release, Second Child Syndrome. This endeavor is still just me and Stu tasting barrels and putting together a smooth and delicious bourbon. This batch is just as precious as the first and each bottle is personally signed by me, which was a pain in the ass but totally worth it – much like fatherhood.